


#9971909 Of Watching and Burning

by iamserendipity



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:01:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23093755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamserendipity/pseuds/iamserendipity
Summary: Statement of Emma Wilde, former Archival Assistant, regarding the circumstances of her leaving the employ of the Magnus Institue.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	#9971909 Of Watching and Burning

GERTRUDE

Case 9971909 - Emma Wilde, former Archival Assistant. Incident occurred 13 August 1997. Statement given the 19th of September of the same year. Committed to tape 20 December, 2006. Gertrude Robinson recording.

GERTRUDE (STATEMENT)

It’s funny, how people can forget you in just a couple months. I didn’t even need to give much of a fake name, you know, Gertrude. Just added an "n" to my surname and changed my job from archival assistant to personal assistant, which I suppose I kind of am now. Sherry at the desk didn’t even blink. Though, I suppose we didn’t interact with staff outside the Archives much, after a while, did we? I wonder how long it will take you to find this statement, if anyone will catch it before you get your claws into it. I noticed I’m no longer listed as an assistant, up on the board at reception. I suppose that shouldn’t surprise me, I wouldn’t expect you to wait long before pronouncing me dead. Especially knowing who you were sending me to investigate. 

I never liked investigating those statements, you know. The fiery ones. And you  **always** gave them to me. I never told you how I felt about fire, or the idea of burning alive, or any of that. But I could swear you knew, anyway. I can’t see why else you would have kept pushing me into it. I think I asked, once. Why I so rarely got to investigate the statements where people vanished into mist, or into strange doors, or the sky. Those wouldn’t have bothered me so much, you know? Wouldn’t have taken me. You laughed at me, as I recall. Told me it was all based on when we were free, and where you felt our ‘talents’ were best used. I wonder, if you meant to feed us to them. I suppose that doesn’t matter now, for me at least. And I doubt you’ll let Michael or Jan look into this one, if you even read it before you let something horrible happen to them, too, so I can’t consider it a warning for them. Poor sops.

But all that isn’t why I came back. I wanted to tell you what happened. A part of me truly hopes you’ll care, that it will hurt you. That the knowledge of what you caused to happen to me will sit in your soul and nag at your heart every time you warm yourself by a fire or hear a whisper of the Lightless Flame. It is the least satisfaction I can gain from you, after what you did. And yes, I blame you. You didn’t light my pyre but you sent me there, Gertrude. I am not entirely convinced you have it in you to care anymore. But I find myself determined to try.

I don’t remember who I was supposed to be investigating - Arthur, Diego, Jude, maybe Agnes herself. It doesn’t matter now, of course. I’d spent about a week chasing dead end after dead end, and I knew I was going to have to report in to you soon about the nothing I’d found of the statement. I still wanted to impress you at the time, looked up to you, and I hated the idea that I’d come back empty-handed. But the Cult of the Lightless Flame scared me so much. I was terrified I’d somehow catch their attention and get burned. Well. I guess I did. I wonder, now, if it was that fear that ‘saved’ me. When Jude caught me snooping she almost seemed to be as curious as she was furious, and didn’t roast me on the spot. I had been eavesdropping on one of their meetings (and to this day I don’t know what possessed me to try something so stupid, so I suppose it’s not  **all** your fault? Except I wouldn’t have been looking if you hadn’t said you needed the information so much.) so she just…. Grabbed my arm and dragged me in there in front of all of them. 

Arthur had been leading the meeting and was predictably upset when Jude burst in with me. I don’t remember what he asked, but she just shook me and snarled something about finding “a little Eye, shivering in her boots”. That got a couple laughs from the others, but nothing from me. I think I was too afraid to cry, or make any sound at all, though my scorched arm hurt like nothing I’d ever experienced before. At the time, the tiny part of my brain that could catalogue the pain struggled to comprehend that it wasn’t my whole body on fire. Most of me was focussed on the fact that I was suddenly trapped in a room full of the most terrifying people I knew of, that I was here on behalf of someone I was fairly certain they didn’t like, and that they were all staring at me. I was aware that I was about to die. I think, on some level, I was just hoping it would be quick. My contact with Jude had only confirmed that I’d been right to fear immolation, and well - it’s not like there was any other way I was going to go, with these people. She'd let my arm go, by that point, but I'm not sure I even dropped it. I think I just held it up where she'd had it, I was that frozen. 

I think that creeped them out a bit. Guess they'd expected a fight. Wanted one, probably. I know Diego gave me enough shit about it, afterwards. "What kind of person just stands there while twenty some people discuss how best to burn them alive?" I always just shrug him off. It’s not like anything else would have ended much differently for me. Hell, it’s probably the only reason I'm still here. I chose not to do anything. I chose to just let them take me. Let  **it** take me. I decided there wasn't any other choice.

Regardless, I think it was Agnes who finally decided the situation. What am I saying, of course it was. I'm shocked they were ever capable of making decisions before Agnes grew up. Too many hotheads in one room, not enough direction besides destruction. "Look at her," she'd said softly, walking up to me. I followed her with my eyes alone, and the rest of the room fell silent to hear what she would say. "She waits for it." A finger under my jaw, searing pain. I hissed, I think. Trying not to move. I wonder if some part of me thought I might disappear if I managed it long enough. I didn't, of course. She looked into my eyes for a moment, detached curiosity. Then her face twisted into something I think must have been a grin. Everything was very suddenly heat and pain and twisting. I know I screamed. I know nothing that heard me cared. All I heard was a quiet, "Let us see if she is simply food, or if she returns." That, and laughter as they all watched me, fed to their -  **our** \- god.

In the end, I did return. Or part of me did. Enough of me. Took a bit of getting used to. I became a real quick study in all the things  _ you _ never saw fit to tell us about. And of course, in destroying things. Lives. Both. Though, that's something you're familiar with as well I'm sure, Gertrude. Unless you really did me the honor of making me your first? Either way. I stick with Jude and Agnes now. Agnes seems to like having someone around who doesn't have the same hero-worship complex for her everyone else around here does, and Jude… Tolerates me, which is enough for now. Somehow seems to think I'm still in your pocket, something about my eyes still being too sharp. You'll have to forgive this short statement, on that account. She’s off doing something today, and Agnes had said something about “getting the eyes out of my soul”, which I took to be her indirect blessing, though I hadn’t told her I’d been wanting to do this. Even still. Can't stay too long or Jude, or Agnes, or someone else will think I'm selling you their secrets. And I'll be honest. I'm still afraid of the fire. I don't want to know what they’d do if they found out.

Statement ends.

GERTRUDE

Final comments.

  
I had wondered what happened to Emma. I had assumed that, if she had survived, we would have heard from her in a more… Spectacular fashion. The Cult of the Lightless Flame isn’t known for its subtlety. Perhaps I should have put more effort into finding her, but then, I had other things on my mind. Certainly, her addition to their ranks didn’t seem to affect their movements in any significant way, so there was no sign there that they’d…. ( _ sighs _ ) Well, I suppose there’s not much else to do for now. She is certainly beyond any help I can give, though I am surprised she has managed to escape my notice. I will have to look into that - if she can avoid me, they might have more new members hidden away somewhere, and I’d never be the wiser.


End file.
